How “addressing” has profound impact on presenting yourself to others.
Many of us have lived in multicultural, multinational, and multilingual societies. Each of these societies have their norms of behavior and norm of how to address others. I was fortunate to live in three continents and learned their cultures, took good things from each of these cultures to implement in my own life. One of these is “addressing”.
Wherever there is hierarchy “defined” by the culture, there is also an official way of addressing. However, these societies are also undergoing transformation. Let me compare India and Germany, both have (had) hierarchy. In India every subordinate in any establishment (whether public or private) address his/her superior as “Sir/Madam”. The subordinates are called with their names, surname or given name. In Germany this effects only if you have a higher academic standing “Herr Professor Doktor” or “Frau Professor Doktor”. In the rest of the society it is Herr “Surname” or Frau “Surname” irrespective of the hierarchy. This is similar to calling Mr. Sharma or Ms. Modak. This simple example, clearly shows that while hierarchy is written in the system, other countries have learned to address superiors and subordinates with similar “addressing”, but in India, superiors still enjoy/demand the privilege of being addressed with obedience, while not reciprocating the same.
When it comes to academic set-up, the country that was built on “Gurukulas”, even present day generation addresses the “teachers” whom they revere and respect as “sir or madam”. A true teacher also reveres and respects his/her pupil and showers care and affection – may call most of the times with first name (given name). Unfortunately, over the time the rigor of Gurukula is gone, but the addressing system remained.
I’m trying to get my recollection dating back to 1980s onwards where I had more conscious interaction with my teachers. I don’t remember to have addressed them as “sir/madam”, but mostly as Professor Mehta or Professor Balu etc. But I addressed my Ph.D. advisor always “sir”. He was really like a guru to me. We had more non-science philosophical conversations that he enjoyed. But I used to address all the other faculty as Professor.
Now let me compare that with the system in the USA. I get many requests often. Students start with addressing me Dr. Gudipati, but after a few conversations and acquaintance either by e-mail or in person, the addressing quickly comes down to say “Hi Murthy”. Similar pattern at a University or at a Company. This does not mean that the students are not respecting you. Respect comes from their mannerisms – how they respond to your communication.
In the western countries, thanking many times or saying “yes sir” or “yes madam” in whatever the language – trying to show your subordinate status to the other person is not positively taken. In fact, it is bad manners to be too polite. Same is true when you write a letter, a cover letter, or a letter asking for a position. Show respect in “limits”. Start with Dear Dr. (or Professor) or Mr. or Ms. (by the way many women do not like to be addressed with Mrs because that is discriminatory as men do not have that status change when married). If you are speaking over phone or skype, say the same and say thank you Mr. Ms. Dr. Professor (whatever is pertinent) once, perhaps twice, but never thrice.
Now let’s come to life outside the hierarchy, whether at a University, a Company, or on the Street. I know one faculty at IISc, whom I revere so much – always addressed me (his junior) as “sir”. I reciprocated with great pleasure. We do the same even today. In the USA it is an obligation to address the customers as “sir or madam”. Typical addressing is “how are you doing sir today?”. Long ago one of our daughters when she was hardly 4 years old was greeted at a store “good morning Miss – how are you today” – she was so happy for someone recognized her to be with her father and they said good morning. It made her day! When I take a taxi I typically pick up a small conversation if possible and at the end give them more than a reasonable tip as they get my luggage out of the taxi and say “thank you sir or madam”. Their eyes become big and they smile with a pleasure that they are recognized as humans, not just a taxi driver. I practice consequently this with those who work hard and make their living – whenever I have something to do with them, from security/watchmen to street workers. They all deserve to be treated as humans, irrespective of their profession.
Another story I vividly remember in Hyderabad, India. I was there for a conference and met with old classmates whom I had not seen for decades. We went out for dinner to a “high-end” restaurant that was close to my hotel. As we were completing our dinner, my old classmate looked at the person who was attending our table and said, “hi go and get fingerbowls” – with such a tone and authority as if the attender were a slave. First instinct feeling I had was to cover my face with shame and then I was disgusted by my classmate’s behavior so much that the rest of the evening was a formality. Unfortunately, majority of men and women behave like this even today in India. Subordinates, low-wage workers, lower-caste, poor (irrespective of their religion or caste) are addressed with such a disrespect, authority, that even many at the places like IISc., with higher learning credentials or intellect – do not realize their own behavior to be disgraceful and disrespectful.
A few general words that may sound peculiar, but when you think deeply you understand why I say this. Keep in mind, even a beggar needs to be treated with respect. You may not give her/him money or food, but you have no right to treat them with disrespect. You will get back the same treatment that you give others. You respect them, you address them with respect, they respect you. They respect you more. It is wise to keep away from those who are disrespectable in their words and their behavior. If you can think – think about this – if you respect others, you are respecting yourself. If the respect comes from your heart, the appropriate addressing will follow.
About the Author: Murthy S. Gudipati (aka G. S. Murthy at IISc) is a Principal Scientist at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, California Institute of Technology. His research focuses on the evolution of organic matter and ice in the Universe, particularly the outer solar system, comets, and the potential origin(s) of life on Earth. He worked at the University of Texas at Austin, at the University of Cologne, Germany, University of Maryland, College Park, and at NASA Ames before joining JPL/Caltech in 2007. Murthy obtained M.Sc. at the Central University of Hyderabad (1981), Ph.D. from the Department of Chemistry, Indian Institute of Science (1987), and Habilitation (similar to tenure) at the University of Cologne (1998). He stayed in almost all the Men’s Hostel Blocks, dined at all the three A-C Messes, ran a half-marathon, and developed life-long friendships during his 1981-1986 stay at one of the most beautiful campuses in the world – the IISc. His PhD research was recognized with “Guha Medal – Best Thesis Award”. Murthy is one of the founding members of the IIScAANA.
Born and raised in in Southern India, Murthy lived in interior villages to mega cities in three continents. He at times walked over four miles each way to attend upper primary schools from his village. This experience bonded him with nature and animals immensely. Murthy likes Nature and National Parks and he has organized several hiking and camping trips for IIScAANA. Murthy’s passion is to bring knowledge, information, and education to the next generation humans to enable the future civilizations to treat themselves and the Nature with respect. Murthy’s pursuit of Science is balanced by his interest in World Music, Nature, Vegetarian Cooking, and Philosophy.
This work by ClubSciWri is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
